alex holden's blog

Re:5

2011-10-18T11:03:00.001-04:00

howdy, http://investigacionescolar.es/index117tww--.php?typageID=yYcio

On Monday

2011-10-02T21:43:00.001-04:00

Nothing is possible on Monday, it's there in your face all day on Monday. It - death, looms large. There is nothing we can do. best to run and hide on Monday. you feel no hope on Monday, you are crushed on Monday, nothing seems possible on Monday, just surviving on Monday is the best we can do, on Monday

Women

2011-10-02T14:47:00.001-04:00

What women don't understand is that men need different novelty. The most attractive supermodel in the world eventually becomes boring to the man. different is what we desire. this can be seen in the fact that hugh grant picked up an ugly hooker. anything above a 5.5 is good enough for us, if it is new. this the woman will never understand.

always so

2011-09-17T17:21:00.002-04:00

its always so

noisy

on the weekends.

in the neighborhoods

there is always so

much

to do on the weekends.

in the yards

there is always so

often

not enough time on the weekends.

in the hearts

Thai who Abu

2011-07-06T21:40:00.001-04:00

Shrug shso siep
Dkdi sneoc ksieb
Ske she skip
Dke

Shan she eons
Dje kenq bi
Zns jaw who
Jdk

F

2011-05-27T19:40:00.001-04:00

Why she shown
Chain bus Ann
Snail animal smell

E

2011-05-27T19:39:00.001-04:00

Must write
But too tired
Two

Oh I almost forgot

2011-04-28T23:54:00.001-04:00

I was
Going
To
Write a poem on my iPhone
I
Almost
Forgot
But my
Mind got it
In the mid
Temporal
Of the
Vortex
Voted
Vote
This is how u kill them
Said my wife
About a zombie game in her
iPhone

Can it be

2011-04-25T23:58:00.001-04:00

Ski skein Amit
Angri Andy Kaia
Whiz smelt ANSI
Angie snap any

Words are Boeing
Words are knowing
Words are kaisun

Goblins in the corner
Bobs in the corner
Bush is in vacation

Iany sun bay
Wiry hey neu
Skier sneu is

Goodnight sweet
Prince and princess

1st book of poems: TO GET IT ALL DOWN IN WORDS

2011-04-16T20:54:00.001-04:00

http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/to-get-it-all-down-in-words-so-that-the-mutation-can-start-to-begin/10990352?productTrackingContext=search_results/search_shelf/center/1

please buy my book of poetry:
to get it all down in words: so that the mutation can start to begin

or dont, it matters no

Test poem

2011-01-01T20:42:00.000-05:00

Test
Test
Test

Our pets our selves

2010-11-08T18:45:00.001-05:00

[Oct 31 2010 - 3am]

the state of our pets
our animals

reflects the states of
our selves

we say animals take the appearance
of there animals
in a joking manner

but rarely do we consider the
full implications of
why this is so

What we have to just do

2010-10-02T12:13:00.001-04:00

All we have to do
Is
Look listen
And
Wait
(repeat 9,900 times)

37; is moving around.

2010-09-25T14:18:00.001-04:00

more to this
More to that
Oh ok
That is that

Getting it now

2010-09-21T23:17:00.001-04:00

Are we not
Keep keep
Push push
Are we no
Are we yes
We are yes
Push push

sunday ultimate-um

2010-05-16T17:20:00.002-04:00

watching a doc.
on
world war 2
on
sunday afternoon
after
a productive weekend

things are feeling pretty good
i could say more
but words are so taxing
always
more to say
always
more to do
always
more people to see

something breathing
in her room
at night
4 leave clovers
dreams with gnomes

what is that stuff im seeing in the corner of my eye
an influx of energy enters me

[may 16, 2010]

Regarding the fact that america’s birth as a nation was a still birth

2009-10-11T03:29:00.002-04:00

[11-1-04]

“take what you need and leave the rest, but they never should have taken the very best”
-taken from THE NIGHT THEY DROVE OLD DIXIE DOWN by the band

some say this country’s greatness
was born in the fires of the war
btwn the states………………………….

I say that perhaps, our greatest were taken
From us:
By a tyrannical government,
by the forces of evil,
& because of this fact-our modern nation
was a still birth…...............................

......that miracously lived......................
.........................and lurched forth...and was
then-
furthered and propogated by
offspring of the war btwn the states who were
not “our very best”

“Advice to my nephew on his 1st birthday”

2009-10-11T03:11:00.002-04:00

10-10-09
[some lines are original creations of the author, some lines taken directly from F. Wake and some lines are altered lines from F. Wake]

life, he himself said once, is awake,
livit or kick it – a phrase which the
establisher of the world – said his
p’s and mind mined his Q’s by…

crypticly through the windowdisks and with
eddying waves, the round eyes – at the
first crack of thunder – awoke the pair
headed Arden…

I call our universe to witness – any dog’s
Life you list & - the abundant mercy of
Him which Thundereth on High – Chuffy
Was an Angel whose soared flesh Lighted Like Likeing…

And how to say – it is what is – what
Is that O’ Holy Troopers – the whole
Thingamabob – including the portions of glee
Glue green; for up you stumble – for with glee
You guess - 4 with search you fling – over the wiles
Of the Willy – Wooly - & Woolfy…

[of the WWWorld]

deadly swine fluee outbreac

2009-04-24T23:33:00.003-04:00

ok ok
ill write one
ok ok
ill right won
ga lottery is on the telly right now,
cash four they call it
1 7 9 5
were the numbers
...
12 - 22 - 19 - 24 - 33
that was fantasy five
the man on the tee vee said
play on georgia.

i take a break
craigs list killer
now
news does story that says
craigs list bad
ads that say,
hot sexy
multiple orgasims gurateneed
or your money back.
they say.

the one guy from the news
is being mean to the craigs list
founder.

casual services
is the section they
the news
is going after.
promise to
beat each others back side
until they bleed
the news say one ad
said this

more dun now

a BOB dobbs MYTHOS online art EXHIBIT

2009-04-24T23:29:00.000-04:00

a
BOB dobbs
MYTHOS
art
EXHIBIT

an online presentation of art inspired by and dealing with the mythos of the paramedia ecologist, educator, artist, prophet, poet, magus of the paramodern age: Bob Dobbs (www.fivebodied.com)

presented by:
alex holden
http://www.alexholden.blogspot.com/
http://www.alexholden.homestead.com/

aka

frater 222
http://tanraninuhcheekgozaknee.homestead.com/

sponsored by:
R.STILT.ART
http://www.rstiltart.homestead.com/

sponsored in part by:
the fook/koof art movement
http://www.trentu.ca/faculty/jjoyce/fw-262.htm

[prices available upon request, for more details private message frater 222]
_________________
-frater 222
"you were, tootoo too ...the graced of gods...& salus of the wake...Winner...primed at the studience, propredicted...the choice of ages wise! Spickspookspokesman of our specturesque...we miss your smile."

links to some of my other websites

2008-09-01T16:16:00.002-04:00

http://www.flickr.com/photos/alexholden222

http://tanraninuhcheekgozaknee.homestead.com/

http://frater222.livejournal.com/

http://twitter.com/alexholden

http://alexholden.homestead.com/

http://www.aholden.blogspot.com/

learning to whip my butt

2008-08-29T12:37:00.002-04:00

[8-29-08 / 109pm]

it was on into kindergarten
that my parents were still
having to whip my
ass

i can remember having my
butt whiped two times
once in preschool
i was on the toliet
had finished and
didnt know what to do
b/c i couldnt whip my own
ass

so i asked another student
an older student
to go and get the teacher
she came and whipped my
ass

the other time i remember
was the last time someone
has had to whip my ass
for me

i was in kindergarten
not preschool.
i called my dad in to do it
for me

he finished and said
youre going to have to start doing this yourself.

this friday is almost over

2008-08-22T22:48:00.000-04:00

[8-15-08 / 912pm]

and i have not one poem to
show for it.

now i do i guess.
here is one,
in the making.

that is pretty good i guess.

pretty good for what?

a piece of the statue

2008-08-11T16:27:00.003-04:00

[8-11-08 / 434p]

why do i feel better
after i write a poem

because i'm contributing
to my body of work

why do i feel better
after i contribute to
my body of work

because i'm making a
monument to myself
a statue
for the future

to show that i
existed
to show that i
lived
and that that
existence and life
was
important.

in praise and thanks of: chango: god of entertainment

2008-08-08T17:53:00.002-04:00

[8-8-08 / 558pm]

your domain is that
of the most
important
which is
entertainment
through
devotion to you
the artist
the mutant
the new age hu-man
can obtain
money
power
wealth
leisure
slack
and
because of this
xango
is the most
important in
pantheon of
great
and
good
gods

Nights full of passion are near

2008-08-08T17:45:00.002-04:00

[8-08-08 / 551pm]

When your wife is angry with your bad potence.
Get a Rich Beautiful Lawn
Time to be a MAN.
123
Britney and Paris having fun together.
Back to school sale
Try now...
Gain the monstrous dimensions
Celebrate your life-long achievements
Still looking?
Tablet of happiness
populace flatworm tirade weaponry introvert
Greetings from...?
Nights will be longer than they should be.
Need no words
Your order is executed
brilliant time
Vanish illnesses and pain from your life.

vis-ions of the singularity

2008-08-08T17:38:00.002-04:00

[8-8-08 / 550pm]

heady whiffs
of the coming singularity

come and go
while
making copies at work
a wiff a brief glimpse of the coming
enormity
the bliss
the order
the peace
the love

come and go
while
coloring a work of art
entitled: it feels good to feel good
with a blue sharpie

the female coworker said
time is weird
after discussing her experience
at her 20 year high school
re-union.

the singularity
the re-union

every now and then
i am begining to since it

one about the start of the weekend

2008-08-08T17:29:00.004-04:00

[8-8-08 / 542pm]

figured id write
one about the
start of the weekend.

the cure said it best
in that song
about being in love w/ friday
over all other days.

they were right.
at 530 on friday
right after work

one expereinces pure freedom
this is not experienced on
any other day.

on friday afternoon
the horizon looks
limitless.

and that feels good
to the working man

bob head as i or is should

2008-07-26T02:31:00.003-04:00

[7-26-08 / 401am]

who and what are u
why and when are u

if u were playing cup ball
u could hit a 222 ft
home-er
down the right field line
pegging the foul poll

if you were in canada
nobody in the stands
would be watching
b/c baseball is dying and
canada is the dew line

to think of you gives me strength
confidence
i am knee deep in the atlantic
i trip over sunken atlantis
and
stub my toe

why?

because i have bob on my side
plain and simple
i speak to bob and he speaks to me
and therefore i speak to eternity
and eternity speaks through he

he:
who is::
the strange attractor
pulling in all the parts
of the
whole

he:
who is::
healing the imaginary divide
that was and was not
that is and is not

he:
who is:
speaking the all
for the few
the proud
the maraeens

he:
who is:
the mother b of us all
as we inter-n-2
comm-un-ion
w/ him/her
in the hive

giveing and receiving
the
honey
nectar
by the mouth
and then pass
that bob neck-tar
to other bees in the hive
thereby
bringing them
into
comm-un-ion

ride your boogie board
ride that wave
ride it home
for us
all

their i sat, broken hearted

2008-07-25T20:01:00.003-04:00

[7-25-08 / 813pm]

i discovered my first
grey hair today

i was looking in the mirror
after trying to take a shit

i say trying because
i went to shit and only
farted.

i had an insight when
i saw this grey hair

it made me think that
as you grow old

it happens to a part of you
that is not really a part of the
real you.

meaning as you grow old
your eternal self, the real you
feels as it always did

not old, not young
not like a teenager
not like an adult
not like a senior
but just like it always
has.

and as you see yourself
grow old
it appears this process is
happening to a you that is
not truely you.

and so its a disconcerting feeling.

your shocked to find that this
fake you suddenly has hair
around its genitals.

your schocked to find that this
fake you suddenly has a hairy
chest.

your shocked to find that this
fake you suddenly has busshy
eyebrows.

your shocked to find this
fake you now has a grey hair.

and finally you will be shocked when
you may ask yourself:
who is this old person starring
back at me.

these are the insights that occured
to me as an artistic uhpiffaknee
today
when
i
discovered
my
first
grey
hair

what to do

2008-07-24T20:41:00.003-04:00

[7-24-08 - 846pm]

what to do
what shall i do

put a stamp on the letter
to be mailed
to avoid it going on my
credit report
the letter said.

do my chore
which is emptying the
clean dishes from the dishwasher.

let me go do those two things
and ill be back to write more lines

the tactile is not empty space
a bird flys by my window
the lights go on and off

btw, i did those chores
i was talking about
and it was easier because i told you
about them and turned them
into art

chores are hard
and doing things
anything is hard

the daily stuff of life
is near impossible

i poured myself a glass of
absenthe
to deal with this
doing the stuff of life.

we have no choice but to do it
that is what we must do
that is what we have to do
that is what we do do.

everyday, as we hack our way
through the jungle of stuff
that makes up our lives

we are flooded by paper work
from the mail box

we hack through it
with greater and lessser
degrees of success.

we have a baby and then hack
through the paper work

we break a leg or get a kidney stone
and then hack through
the paper work
the material manifestation of this
stuff of life, that we do, that i'm talking
about.

i was at a loss as to what to do
i had the question of what do i do
next.

and this poem is what came out of this
question.

the light in my room is going
on and off
as i type this
indicating that something is wrong with the
light fixuture.

this means, something more to do
more stuff of life
to do.

and more paper work.

here comes the dark

2008-04-19T13:45:00.000-04:00

[3-1-08 / 608pm]

here comes the dark
here comes the night

stay away dark
stay away night

day
just hang out
a little bit longer
today

but i must remian calm

dark
is just a natural process
why should i fear the dark
over the light

no
i must accept
the coming of the night
i must embrace the dark

and enjoy all its shades
as it changes from light to dark.

i will
enjoy the night

and then
when the day comes
i will enjoy that.

life

2008-03-01T04:15:00.000-05:00

(circa Spring 2000)

Like the dance of feeding wolves,
is full of paradoxical rules.

Life’s salvation lies deep within,
its pleasure arises from the skin.

Born into a family and you die alone,
in a box they’ll place your bones.

Like sharks in a feeding frenzy,
or the busy street of a city.

By finding love you can avoid its pain
or by putting a bullet through your brain.

that feeling in my stomach

2008-03-01T04:12:00.000-05:00

[10-10-00 - circa 10:30]

lying in bed with a girl i hardly know,
who i think i know, who i wish i knew,
or don’t, the fact remains to be seen as they say, we are
both naked, & feeling akward, now sober after a drunken
night of knowing each other in the biblical sense, as they
also say. im scared to reach out to her & find it odd that
it takes me so long to work up the courage to do so. when just
6 hours before....then it suddenly makes me see that the cliche
that some things are more intimate than sex is true...but she
seems to accept my awkward attempt of intimacy and adjust herself
to me, moving closer...then after some time she jerks as one does when
falling off to sleep. i tell her the theory i heard why that
happens: that the self is afraid of giving up control. shes
heard different. she says it comes from the collective unconscious,
from back when we slept in trees & falling out of
tress meant death. i said b/c you’d get eaten by a
tiger & she said: “no, because you’d smash your brains in.” and right
then she moved, or snuggled closer as one might again say, squeezed
my arm, right below the armpit, where the biscep muscle is,
all in one quick movement
& i had that feeling in my stomach.

three word poem number 1

2008-03-01T02:10:00.000-05:00

[12-8-07 / 10:56pm]

here we are
aint that nice
on and on
here we go

who is alex holden

2008-03-01T02:09:00.001-05:00

[2-23-08 / circa 11am]

-sometimes-
alex:

is of the is, but not right now that is

-sometimes-
alex:

is of the is, and right NOW that is

the worm stranded

2008-03-01T01:22:00.001-05:00

[10-5-07 / 7:17pm]

in my life thus far
i have saved a few worms
that have happened to be stranded on the side of a road and/or sidewalk

these worms are in a worm no mans land
there is no going back for these worms
they will die if not for some form of divine intervention

when i have moved these stranded worms
over to safe ground
i will then wonder what chain of events
my act has just set into motion

was
the save
of the worm a righteous and noble act
or was the let die
of the worm the more right action to take

did my playing god for this dying worm
set into motion a chain of events
that led to some chaotosphrophic end
somewhere in the world and/or universe

in a butterfly effect type manner?

reading this
is there any wonder i had an ulcer at the age of 15?

that feeling after cumming

2008-01-19T15:50:00.000-05:00

(11-27-07 / 833pm)

ever since high
school

ive hated that
feeling

-its like a void

that hits you
right
after orgasam.

it makes me
feel
empty

it makes me feel
like
all the striving, struggling,
contemplating, coniving,
conning (of yourself & her)
cunning, contemplation
etc.

-all the work

surronding
obtaing the female that
just
helped you
have an orgasam
was in vain

-but not really ‘in vain’

more like:
a pointless endavour that led
no where,
and/or
a waste of time

-a mistake, to be blunt

folly, maddness
a feeling in the pit of
your stomach
that youve done
something
wrong

and at that moment
after orgasam
even the prettiest
of girls appears
grotesque

-all her flaws and imperfections

are all to evident
and glarring at you
hitting you in the face
and making you question all
your previous behavior
leading up to the climax
all that much more

-and at that moment

i guess all of the above
is brought to the fore front
of your consciousness
b/c
all the testosterone
(or some such chemical)
has been
released
from your body

-and at that moment

your are probably
as about as close
to being ‘celebate’

-that state of not wanting sex

as is possible
even more close to
that state
than a buhdist monk
or
catholic preist

-but thankfully

this state,
as described above
only seems to last
for

-at the most

30 mins.

i think this is called the
refractory period
but nonetheless
its a bitch to
go through.

and it seems to happen
everytime
i have sex

if i had just one more beer

2007-11-23T03:43:00.000-05:00

(11-11-07 / 306am)

if i had just one more beer
i could do
alot
of things

if i had just one more
beer
id tell you how
it is

if i had just one more
beer
i would end the night
just
right

but i dont have
one
more
beer

what if it is

2007-11-22T00:02:00.000-05:00

(11-21-07 / 11:35pm)

i life my beer
i meant to write
i lift my beer
and when i do there
is some weight to it
meaning that its
not
almost
done

that is a good
feeling to me
when your drinking
and analogous to
life
in some way
im
sure

i had my head
in my hands
at work
today and a
coworker
said
its not that bad
and i said
what if it is

Peebol Snabol, Peebol Saabol

2007-11-17T22:34:00.000-05:00

(circa 9/1990)

Peebol Snabol,
Peebol Saabol
Peebol Snabol,
Peebol Saabol,

All I hear is
Peebol Snabol,

From the time I wake up
until the time I go to bed.

Saabol this,
Snabol that,

From my parents, teachers, friends,
Sometimes I even find a
Peebol

or three in my very own head.

Everywhere I turn people are talking of

Peebol Snabol
and
Peebol Snaabol

as if they both truly mattered.

Peebol Snabol,
Peebol Saabol,

If I hear you again
I will surely die.

here we are

2007-11-17T15:51:00.000-05:00

(9-28-07 / 914pm)

just me and the computer
just me and the screen

ive been wanting to write
more
poetry

more words that will
inspire
more words that will
show
others that i need
to
be listened to
that
i am someone to be
remebered.

i listen to dog the
bounty
hunter on tv talking
about
trying to find someone who
has sexually abused
a child and
video taped it.

he is on larry king
and is saying he will
find them for a dollar

i’d write for one dollar
if i was on larry king
and
taken siriusly about
something

about anything.

but what about nabokov’s
lolita

will dog go after him?

but who really cares
about
being on cnn with larry
king

no/know
i want my thoughts to be
cared
about by people in the
know/no

people
who history will care and
write
about

i want to be considered as
a
world shaker
a
world mover
by
history
by
prosterity

is not that what all men
want/wont

that is surely what
the artist wants
deep
down
or
not so deep down

cause
we already feel
we matter
that what we think is world
shaking

world moving
important

we just want
others
many others
to recognize it

for all our
groping into the
abysss
to have been worthin
something

anything
but
the nothing it is currently

christmas day

2007-11-02T22:50:00.000-04:00

(circa spring 2000)

I
lie here waiting,
hoping,
pleading,
wishing,
and wondering.

If
things will ever
change,
if I’ll ever go to
bed happy,

Glad to be alive,
eager to see
the breaking light
of the new day,
that before me lies

If I could at least be
told how long it would last,
A date on the calendar
I could mark
and look forward to.

Like a child who awaits
Christmas,
counting down the days.

Without Christmas day
to look forward to:
I sleep,
and I sleep
to sleep,

I sleep
in hopes that one morning
I will wake to finally find it
Christmas day,
With my happiness wrapped up in packages
under the tree.

on, not off

2007-11-02T22:34:00.000-04:00

sorry

2007-11-02T22:32:00.000-04:00

(circa spring 2000)

I pray for the words
to express how
I
feel
However,
I know my words
will not say
quite a great deal
About the way
I feel or could feel
or
should feel
or
have felt
Or
about the things
I’ve thought
and
found out:
I’m sorry for you,
I’m sorry for me,
I’m afraid life is only
meant
for suffering and misery.

what i say

2007-11-02T22:17:00.000-04:00

(circa spring 2000)

What I say,
who listens?

What I say,
I’m sorry they
all
don’t listen!

From some unknown source,
I undoubtedly listen!
Telling me what I ought to hear,
what I ought to know
From me it doesn’t come,
from me,
it doesn’t go……

From me,
you know what?
These energies I’m keeping low

For they might just come to get me
if I told all I heard and thought.
For once again I am nothing.
That much I hope you brought.

sometimes i dont live

2007-11-02T22:16:00.000-04:00

(10-7-07 / 503am)

i just figured out
somtimes
most times
i dont live

i retreate like
a
hermit
from
life

the most important cure

2007-11-02T22:15:00.000-04:00

(oct 5 2007 / 717pm)

the common cold
back pain
cure these
and the rest will
follow

pets of the gods

2007-11-02T22:12:00.000-04:00

(sept 29, 2007 / 1202am)

amusement of the gods
like steve o
puking up
gold fish for our amusement
-its funny

we are swallowed
by the
gods
and
the galaxies
laugh as
we are puked
up

my wife hugging the cat
the cat thinks
its
torture

my wife sees
it
as love

what is the use

2007-11-02T22:07:00.000-04:00

(sept 28 2007 / 1130pm)

what is the use
whats the use
what will be the use
what can be the use

what is the use of
having kids

only to see their
father

to fail
to be won over
by the
lesser man
by the
evil man
by the
sociopath
by the
meanie
by the
bastard
by the
soulless boss
by the
bull shitter
by the
ass-kisser

the lesser man

always gets
ahead

our father was
not the
lesser man

but he was
not
honored
not
recognized

just like we saw
our
fathers
my father
your father

me, you
as a father

what is the
use

unless
we stand up to
the
lesser man
the
evil man
the
sociopath
the
meanie
the
bastard
the
soulless boss
the
bull shitter
the
ass-kisser

i stand up
as
much as
possible

do you

atleast
i
kick out
the

lesser man
the
evil man
the
sociopath
the
meanie
the
bastard
the
soulless boss
the
bull shitter
the
ass-kisser

the lyer
the cheat
the sketchy
the worthless

from my life

i say:

if you must be
the
lesser man
the
evil man
the
sociopath
the
meanie
the
bastard
the
soulless boss
the
bull shitter
the
ass-kisser

the lyer
the cheat
the sketchy
the worthless

then you will not be
my
friend
my
acquataince

you will
be nothing
to
me

just do this
friend

stand up
to the
raising tide
of evil
of assholes
of souless bosses

of the (bad) people who
run
my life
your life
our life

ATLEAST

just
shun them
from your
life

and this will be a
start

if i was honest

2007-11-02T22:05:00.000-04:00

(sept 28, 2007 / 10pm)

if i was completely
honest
then i would write
the most
the best
the most bestest
poetry
the most bestest
words
you would tell your
friends to read
me.

if i wrote about all
that i thought
all that i experienced

then you would
remember me
then i would
inspire
you

but i dont
i hold back
i am scared.

scared of what?

perhaps that if i write
it
then it will come true
that if i talk about
it
then it will have power over
me

and we all just dont what
that

do
we
?

i have alot to say

2007-11-02T22:01:00.000-04:00

(9-28-07 / 10pm)

i have alot to say
but not enough
time
to do it
i need my rest but
expression is the need of
my soul
and i have a lot to
say
about many different
things
but i need my rest
my
leisure
so
i write these
words
during
commercial
break

skinny girls

2007-11-02T21:58:00.000-04:00

(written around the time of the kobie bryant rape scandal)

skinny girls
with
big titts
perfect tans
in winter

ass rapped by the nba
star
throw away the panties
or
save as evidence

post
modern
consciousness
shift

my dads cup

2007-11-02T21:46:00.000-04:00

(11-2-07 - 833pm)

there were
certain
cups that my father
always
used.

they were like my
dads
cups-

they were plastic
and
tall
and
skinny

it was not official
that i could not use
them
but
for the longest
time
i never even thought
of using
them.

it must have been
some kind of
coming of
age type
thing
when i finally started
using them.

i cant remember
the
exact process
-like when i first used them-
but i do remember
being conscious
of the fact
that i was
finally
using my
dads
cups.

and only now
in a more advanced
age
have i
started to
comprehend
the significance of
using dad’s
cups

getting old

2007-10-14T00:13:00.000-04:00

(1-10-04 - 4:51am)

how long have i had this tshirt?
how long have i had that idea?
have i had that same plant for 3 years?
and the spider plant?
have i had that since college?
did i carry it with me all of these years?
so much a part of me that i forget when and where and why i bought it
that i forget if i bought it.
did my mom buy that thing for me?
did i steal/borrow it from some long lost friend?
when did it happen that i became a grown up?
i wasnt paying attention and it snuck up on me.
how was i to know?
i still had some of the same clothes as i did in high school
i still had some of the same thoughts as i did in middle school
the same beliefs as whenever i had them or cared to care
all of a sudden i look in the mirror and my hair is receding
and my face looks worn and nobody cards me when i buy beer.
how was i to figure it out?
my parents still treat me the same. my sister still treats me the same.
it seems that everybody treats me the same. and i treat them the same.

just one poem before i clean up

2007-10-14T00:12:00.000-04:00

(9-25-07 - 4:00pm)

i’ll write one poem
before i clean
up

i keep putting off
this
‘cleaning up’

the car is to be
unpacked
from
the vacation

calls and emails
must
be
returned

i’ll watch until
one more
commerical break
and then i’ll clean
up

one more cup of
coffee and then
i’ll clean up

masturbate once
and then i’ll get
to it

after i take a
dump
i will get to that
‘cleaning up’
that ‘catching up’
that ‘staying on top of’
that i dread
that we all dread?
so much

so much to be done
always it seems
never fully
‘cleaned up’
never fully
‘caught up’

but now after writing
about it
i somehow feel better

folly

2007-10-14T00:10:00.000-04:00

(circa spring 2001)

things i heard
in a word
being more
than absurd

come from under
and are tossed
asunder

of past mistakes
youre left to wonder
if your
blunder
was more than
this
or more than
that

my words come
out
with a
hiss

my page
my toleit

my thoughts
my
piss

this means something number 1

2007-10-07T04:57:00.002-04:00

(Saturday, October 19, 2002 - 10:26pm)

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wifjeoifjweofiwafjivneinfidjfeinve
voneivoneopaineiotheihtwaihti
vnoineiognfoeaitutowejtoiewtjieojtw

ewinrtoweiniriawerniosenroeirerera
aeionreoinaewioterihgnvurtghgruie
eahuivnvreniewinvnivinvanuivdnui
vandfg
dagn
dand

waves crashing

2007-10-07T04:53:00.001-04:00

(circa august 13 2002)

water splashing, waves crashing.
hotmail inbox, over flowing.

children laughing, chilren smiling.
b/c outside-
-------------------------********the sun is shinning

of the

2007-10-07T04:44:00.001-04:00

(circa spring 2000)

the gentle touch
of
the
pedophile's hand

the bright colors
of
the
USA Today

sunset number 22

2005-12-11T21:07:00.000-05:00

turning happy

2005-12-11T15:18:00.000-05:00