getting old

(1-10-04 - 4:51am)

how long have i had this tshirt?
how long have i had that idea?
have i had that same plant for 3 years?
and the spider plant?
have i had that since college?
did i carry it with me all of these years?
so much a part of me that i forget when and where and why i bought it
that i forget if i bought it.
did my mom buy that thing for me?
did i steal/borrow it from some long lost friend?
when did it happen that i became a grown up?
i wasnt paying attention and it snuck up on me.
how was i to know?
i still had some of the same clothes as i did in high school
i still had some of the same thoughts as i did in middle school
the same beliefs as whenever i had them or cared to care
all of a sudden i look in the mirror and my hair is receding
and my face looks worn and nobody cards me when i buy beer.
how was i to figure it out?
my parents still treat me the same. my sister still treats me the same.
it seems that everybody treats me the same. and i treat them the same.

just one poem before i clean up

(9-25-07 - 4:00pm)

i’ll write one poem
before i clean
up

i keep putting off
this
‘cleaning up’

the car is to be
unpacked
from
the vacation

calls and emails
must
be
returned

i’ll watch until
one more
commerical break
and then i’ll clean
up

one more cup of
coffee and then
i’ll clean up

masturbate once
and then i’ll get
to it

after i take a
dump
i will get to that
‘cleaning up’
that ‘catching up’
that ‘staying on top of’
that i dread
that we all dread?
so much

so much to be done
always it seems
never fully
‘cleaned up’
never fully
‘caught up’

but now after writing
about it
i somehow feel better

folly

(circa spring 2001)

things i heard
in a word
being more
than absurd

come from under
and are tossed
asunder

of past mistakes
youre left to wonder
if your
blunder
was more than
this
or more than
that

my words come
out
with a
hiss

my page
my toleit

my thoughts
my
piss

this means something number 1

(Saturday, October 19, 2002 - 10:26pm)

ds;aljfdjflsdjfiejoiwownvwioeniorjeji
wifjeoifjweofiwafjivneinfidjfeinve
voneivoneopaineiotheihtwaihti
vnoineiognfoeaitutowejtoiewtjieojtw

ewinrtoweiniriawerniosenroeirerera
aeionreoinaewioterihgnvurtghgruie
eahuivnvreniewinvnivinvanuivdnui
vandfg
dagn
dand

***waves crashing***

(circa august 13 2002)

water splashing, waves crashing.
hotmail inbox, over flowing.

children laughing, chilren smiling.
b/c outside-
-------------------------********the sun is shinning

of the

(circa spring 2000)

the gentle touch
of
the
pedophile's hand

the bright colors
of
the
USA Today