(circa Spring 2000)
Like the dance of feeding wolves,
is full of paradoxical rules.
Life’s salvation lies deep within,
its pleasure arises from the skin.
Born into a family and you die alone,
in a box they’ll place your bones.
Like sharks in a feeding frenzy,
or the busy street of a city.
By finding love you can avoid its pain
or by putting a bullet through your brain.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
that feeling in my stomach
[10-10-00 - circa 10:30]
lying in bed with a girl i hardly know,
who i think i know, who i wish i knew,
or don’t, the fact remains to be seen as they say, we are
both naked, & feeling akward, now sober after a drunken
night of knowing each other in the biblical sense, as they
also say. im scared to reach out to her & find it odd that
it takes me so long to work up the courage to do so. when just
6 hours before....then it suddenly makes me see that the cliche
that some things are more intimate than sex is true...but she
seems to accept my awkward attempt of intimacy and adjust herself
to me, moving closer...then after some time she jerks as one does when
falling off to sleep. i tell her the theory i heard why that
happens: that the self is afraid of giving up control. shes
heard different. she says it comes from the collective unconscious,
from back when we slept in trees & falling out of
tress meant death. i said b/c you’d get eaten by a
tiger & she said: “no, because you’d smash your brains in.” and right
then she moved, or snuggled closer as one might again say, squeezed
my arm, right below the armpit, where the biscep muscle is,
all in one quick movement
& i had that feeling in my stomach.
lying in bed with a girl i hardly know,
who i think i know, who i wish i knew,
or don’t, the fact remains to be seen as they say, we are
both naked, & feeling akward, now sober after a drunken
night of knowing each other in the biblical sense, as they
also say. im scared to reach out to her & find it odd that
it takes me so long to work up the courage to do so. when just
6 hours before....then it suddenly makes me see that the cliche
that some things are more intimate than sex is true...but she
seems to accept my awkward attempt of intimacy and adjust herself
to me, moving closer...then after some time she jerks as one does when
falling off to sleep. i tell her the theory i heard why that
happens: that the self is afraid of giving up control. shes
heard different. she says it comes from the collective unconscious,
from back when we slept in trees & falling out of
tress meant death. i said b/c you’d get eaten by a
tiger & she said: “no, because you’d smash your brains in.” and right
then she moved, or snuggled closer as one might again say, squeezed
my arm, right below the armpit, where the biscep muscle is,
all in one quick movement
& i had that feeling in my stomach.
who is alex holden
[2-23-08 / circa 11am]
-sometimes-
alex:
is of the is, but not right now that is
-sometimes-
alex:
is of the is, and right NOW that is
-sometimes-
alex:
is of the is, but not right now that is
-sometimes-
alex:
is of the is, and right NOW that is
the worm stranded
[10-5-07 / 7:17pm]
in my life thus far
i have saved a few worms
that have happened to be stranded on the side of a road and/or sidewalk
these worms are in a worm no mans land
there is no going back for these worms
they will die if not for some form of divine intervention
when i have moved these stranded worms
over to safe ground
i will then wonder what chain of events
my act has just set into motion
was
the save
of the worm a righteous and noble act
or was the let die
of the worm the more right action to take
did my playing god for this dying worm
set into motion a chain of events
that led to some chaotosphrophic end
somewhere in the world and/or universe
in a butterfly effect type manner?
reading this
is there any wonder i had an ulcer at the age of 15?
in my life thus far
i have saved a few worms
that have happened to be stranded on the side of a road and/or sidewalk
these worms are in a worm no mans land
there is no going back for these worms
they will die if not for some form of divine intervention
when i have moved these stranded worms
over to safe ground
i will then wonder what chain of events
my act has just set into motion
was
the save
of the worm a righteous and noble act
or was the let die
of the worm the more right action to take
did my playing god for this dying worm
set into motion a chain of events
that led to some chaotosphrophic end
somewhere in the world and/or universe
in a butterfly effect type manner?
reading this
is there any wonder i had an ulcer at the age of 15?
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