links to some of my other websites

http://www.flickr.com/photos/alexholden222

http://tanraninuhcheekgozaknee.homestead.com/

http://frater222.livejournal.com/

http://twitter.com/alexholden

http://alexholden.homestead.com/

http://www.aholden.blogspot.com/

learning to whip my butt

[8-29-08 / 109pm]


it was on into kindergarten
that my parents were still
having to whip my
ass

i can remember having my
butt whiped two times
once in preschool
i was on the toliet
had finished and
didnt know what to do
b/c i couldnt whip my own
ass

so i asked another student
an older student
to go and get the teacher
she came and whipped my
ass

the other time i remember
was the last time someone
has had to whip my ass
for me

i was in kindergarten
not preschool.
i called my dad in to do it
for me

he finished and said
youre going to have to start doing this yourself.

this friday is almost over

[8-15-08 / 912pm]


and i have not one poem to
show for it.

now i do i guess.
here is one,
in the making.

that is pretty good i guess.

pretty good for what?

a piece of the statue

[8-11-08 / 434p]


why do i feel better
after i write a poem

because i'm contributing
to my body of work

why do i feel better
after i contribute to
my body of work

because i'm making a
monument to myself
a statue
for the future

to show that i
existed
to show that i
lived
and that that
existence and life
was
important.

in praise and thanks of: chango: god of entertainment

[8-8-08 / 558pm]


your domain is that
of the most
important
which is
entertainment
through
devotion to you
the artist
the mutant
the new age hu-man
can obtain
money
power
wealth
leisure
slack
and
because of this
xango
is the most
important in
pantheon of
great
and
good
gods

Nights full of passion are near

[8-08-08 / 551pm]


When your wife is angry with your bad potence.
Get a Rich Beautiful Lawn
Time to be a MAN.
123
Britney and Paris having fun together.
Back to school sale
Try now...
Gain the monstrous dimensions
Celebrate your life-long achievements
Still looking?
Tablet of happiness
populace flatworm tirade weaponry introvert
Greetings from...?
Nights will be longer than they should be.
Need no words
Your order is executed
brilliant time
Vanish illnesses and pain from your life.

vis-ions of the singularity

[8-8-08 / 550pm]


heady whiffs
of the coming singularity

come and go
while
making copies at work
a wiff a brief glimpse of the coming
enormity
the bliss
the order
the peace
the love

come and go
while
coloring a work of art
entitled: it feels good to feel good
with a blue sharpie

the female coworker said
time is weird
after discussing her experience
at her 20 year high school
re-union.

the singularity
the re-union

every now and then
i am begining to since it

one about the start of the weekend

[8-8-08 / 542pm]

figured id write
one about the
start of the weekend.

the cure said it best
in that song
about being in love w/ friday
over all other days.

they were right.
at 530 on friday
right after work

one expereinces pure freedom
this is not experienced on
any other day.

on friday afternoon
the horizon looks
limitless.

and that feels good
to the working man

bob head as i or is should

[7-26-08 / 401am]


who and what are u
why and when are u

if u were playing cup ball
u could hit a 222 ft
home-er
down the right field line
pegging the foul poll

if you were in canada
nobody in the stands
would be watching
b/c baseball is dying and
canada is the dew line

to think of you gives me strength
confidence
i am knee deep in the atlantic
i trip over sunken atlantis
and
stub my toe

why?

because i have bob on my side
plain and simple
i speak to bob and he speaks to me
and therefore i speak to eternity
and eternity speaks through he

he:
who is::
the strange attractor
pulling in all the parts
of the
whole

he:
who is::
healing the imaginary divide
that was and was not
that is and is not

he:
who is:
speaking the all
for the few
the proud
the maraeens

he:
who is:
the mother b of us all
as we inter-n-2
comm-un-ion
w/ him/her
in the hive

giveing and receiving
the
honey
nectar
by the mouth
and then pass
that bob neck-tar
to other bees in the hive
thereby
bringing them
into
comm-un-ion

ride your boogie board
ride that wave
ride it home
for us
all

their i sat, broken hearted

[7-25-08 / 813pm]


i discovered my first
grey hair today

i was looking in the mirror
after trying to take a shit

i say trying because
i went to shit and only
farted.

i had an insight when
i saw this grey hair

it made me think that
as you grow old

it happens to a part of you
that is not really a part of the
real you.

meaning as you grow old
your eternal self, the real you
feels as it always did

not old, not young
not like a teenager
not like an adult
not like a senior
but just like it always
has.

and as you see yourself
grow old
it appears this process is
happening to a you that is
not truely you.

and so its a disconcerting feeling.

your shocked to find that this
fake you suddenly has hair
around its genitals.

your schocked to find that this
fake you suddenly has a hairy
chest.

your shocked to find that this
fake you suddenly has busshy
eyebrows.

your shocked to find this
fake you now has a grey hair.

and finally you will be shocked when
you may ask yourself:
who is this old person starring
back at me.

these are the insights that occured
to me as an artistic uhpiffaknee
today
when
i
discovered
my
first
grey
hair

what to do

[7-24-08 - 846pm]


what to do
what shall i do

put a stamp on the letter
to be mailed
to avoid it going on my
credit report
the letter said.

do my chore
which is emptying the
clean dishes from the dishwasher.

let me go do those two things
and ill be back to write more lines

the tactile is not empty space
a bird flys by my window
the lights go on and off

btw, i did those chores
i was talking about
and it was easier because i told you
about them and turned them
into art

chores are hard
and doing things
anything is hard

the daily stuff of life
is near impossible

i poured myself a glass of
absenthe
to deal with this
doing the stuff of life.

we have no choice but to do it
that is what we must do
that is what we have to do
that is what we do do.

everyday, as we hack our way
through the jungle of stuff
that makes up our lives

we are flooded by paper work
from the mail box

we hack through it
with greater and lessser
degrees of success.

we have a baby and then hack
through the paper work

we break a leg or get a kidney stone
and then hack through
the paper work
the material manifestation of this
stuff of life, that we do, that i'm talking
about.

i was at a loss as to what to do
i had the question of what do i do
next.

and this poem is what came out of this
question.

the light in my room is going
on and off
as i type this
indicating that something is wrong with the
light fixuture.

this means, something more to do
more stuff of life
to do.

and more paper work.

here comes the dark

[3-1-08 / 608pm]


here comes the dark
here comes the night

stay away dark
stay away night

day
just hang out
a little bit longer
today

but i must remian calm

dark
is just a natural process
why should i fear the dark
over the light

no
i must accept
the coming of the night
i must embrace the dark

and enjoy all its shades
as it changes from light to dark.

i will
enjoy the night

and then
when the day comes
i will enjoy that.

life

(circa Spring 2000)


Like the dance of feeding wolves,
is full of paradoxical rules.

Life’s salvation lies deep within,
its pleasure arises from the skin.

Born into a family and you die alone,
in a box they’ll place your bones.

Like sharks in a feeding frenzy,
or the busy street of a city.

By finding love you can avoid its pain
or by putting a bullet through your brain.

that feeling in my stomach

[10-10-00 - circa 10:30]


lying in bed with a girl i hardly know,
who i think i know, who i wish i knew,
or don’t, the fact remains to be seen as they say, we are
both naked, & feeling akward, now sober after a drunken
night of knowing each other in the biblical sense, as they
also say. im scared to reach out to her & find it odd that
it takes me so long to work up the courage to do so. when just
6 hours before....then it suddenly makes me see that the cliche
that some things are more intimate than sex is true...but she
seems to accept my awkward attempt of intimacy and adjust herself
to me, moving closer...then after some time she jerks as one does when
falling off to sleep. i tell her the theory i heard why that
happens: that the self is afraid of giving up control. shes
heard different. she says it comes from the collective unconscious,
from back when we slept in trees & falling out of
tress meant death. i said b/c you’d get eaten by a
tiger & she said: “no, because you’d smash your brains in.” and right
then she moved, or snuggled closer as one might again say, squeezed
my arm, right below the armpit, where the biscep muscle is,
all in one quick movement
& i had that feeling in my stomach.

three word poem number 1

[12-8-07 / 10:56pm]


here we are
aint that nice
on and on
here we go

who is alex holden

[2-23-08 / circa 11am]


-sometimes-
alex:

is of the is, but not right now that is


-sometimes-
alex:

is of the is, and right NOW that is

the worm stranded

[10-5-07 / 7:17pm]


in my life thus far
i have saved a few worms
that have happened to be stranded on the side of a road and/or sidewalk

these worms are in a worm no mans land
there is no going back for these worms
they will die if not for some form of divine intervention

when i have moved these stranded worms
over to safe ground
i will then wonder what chain of events
my act has just set into motion

was
the save
of the worm a righteous and noble act
or was the let die
of the worm the more right action to take

did my playing god for this dying worm
set into motion a chain of events
that led to some chaotosphrophic end
somewhere in the world and/or universe

in a butterfly effect type manner?

reading this
is there any wonder i had an ulcer at the age of 15?

that feeling after cumming

(11-27-07 / 833pm)


ever since high
school

ive hated that
feeling

-its like a void

that hits you
right
after orgasam.

it makes me
feel
empty

it makes me feel
like
all the striving, struggling,
contemplating, coniving,
conning (of yourself & her)
cunning, contemplation
etc.

-all the work

surronding
obtaing the female that
just
helped you
have an orgasam
was in vain

-but not really ‘in vain’

more like:
a pointless endavour that led
no where,
and/or
a waste of time

-a mistake, to be blunt

folly, maddness
a feeling in the pit of
your stomach
that youve done
something
wrong

and at that moment
after orgasam
even the prettiest
of girls appears
grotesque

-all her flaws and imperfections

are all to evident
and glarring at you
hitting you in the face
and making you question all
your previous behavior
leading up to the climax
all that much more

-and at that moment

i guess all of the above
is brought to the fore front
of your consciousness
b/c
all the testosterone
(or some such chemical)
has been
released
from your body

-and at that moment

your are probably
as about as close
to being ‘celebate’

-that state of not wanting sex

as is possible
even more close to
that state
than a buhdist monk
or
catholic preist

-but thankfully

this state,
as described above
only seems to last
for

-at the most

30 mins.

i think this is called the
refractory period
but nonetheless
its a bitch to
go through.

and it seems to happen
everytime
i have sex